Preparing for Birth After a Difficult Experience

If your last birth left you with feelings you haven’t fully processed, the thought of doing it again can be overwhelming. You might want another baby, but the fear of what happened last time sits like a weight in your chest. You might be already pregnant and feeling more anxious than excited. Or you might be somewhere in between, unsure whether you’re ready to try again.

Whatever stage you’re at, I want you to know that what you’re feeling is valid. And that preparing for birth after a difficult experience isn’t about ‘getting over it.’ It’s about building a foundation that allows you to move forward with clarity, confidence, and genuine support.

Start by Acknowledging What Happened

One of the most common things I hear from women who’ve had a difficult birth is that they feel like they should be grateful. The baby is healthy. They’re physically recovered. Everyone around them has moved on. So they push the feelings down and try to do the same.

But those feelings don’t disappear just because we stop talking about them. They might show up as anxiety, irritability, difficulty bonding, avoidance of anything related to birth, or a deep sense of sadness that doesn’t lift. Sometimes they don’t fully surface until another pregnancy brings them rushing back.

The first step in preparing for a new birth is acknowledging that what happened last time affected you. You don’t have to call it trauma if that word doesn’t feel right. You just have to be honest with yourself about the fact that something feels unresolved.

Consider a Birth Debrief

A birth debrief is a structured conversation about your previous birth, guided by someone who understands the clinical side and the emotional side. It’s a space where you can ask questions you were never given answers to, explore how certain events unfolded, and begin to process the feelings that have stayed with you.

In my practice, birth debriefing sessions draw on somatic practices to help ease the emotional charge behind your experience. It’s not just talking. It’s a process that supports your body and nervous system in releasing what you’ve been carrying.

Many women find that having this session before or during their next pregnancy changes everything. The fear doesn’t necessarily vanish, but it becomes something you can work with rather than something that controls you.

Choose Your Care Model Carefully

The care model you choose for your next pregnancy matters enormously. If your difficult experience was shaped by fragmented care, by feeling like no one knew your story, by being passed from person to person, then choosing a model that offers continuity can be deeply healing.

Continuity of care means one midwife who knows your history, understands what happened last time, and is alongside you from the beginning. That midwife becomes someone you trust, someone who can hold space for both the fear and the excitement, and someone who tailors every aspect of your care to what you need.

If you’re someone who needs to feel known in order to feel safe, this kind of care can make a profound difference.

Build a Support Team That Understands

Your midwife is one part of the picture. Depending on your experience, you might also benefit from a psychologist who specialises in perinatal mental health, a doula who can provide additional emotional support during labour, or simply a partner or friend who understands what you need and is willing to learn.

The key is that the people around you during this pregnancy understand your history and respect it. You shouldn’t have to minimise what happened or pretend you’re fine when you’re not.

When I work with women who are pregnant after a difficult birth, we talk openly about what happened, what they’re afraid of, and what they need this time to feel safe. That conversation shapes everything: the appointment schedule, the birth preparation, the postpartum plan.

Create Birth Preferences That Honour Your Experience

Birth preferences after a difficult experience look different. They’re not just about whether you want music playing or delayed cord clamping. They’re about communication, boundaries, and emotional safety.

This might mean specifying how you want information delivered during labour, what language feels supportive versus what feels triggering, how you want decisions to be presented, and who you want in the room. It might mean having a plan for what happens if things deviate from what you hoped, so you’re not blindsided by the unexpected.

The goal isn’t to control the birth. It’s to make sure that regardless of how things unfold, you feel informed, respected, and supported. That’s what changes the experience.

Plan for Postpartum Before Baby Arrives

If your first postpartum experience was difficult, whether because support dropped away too quickly, feeding was a struggle, or you felt emotionally isolated, then planning for postpartum this time around is especially important.

Before your baby arrives, we create a postpartum plan together. This covers feeding intentions, support structures, emotional wellbeing strategies, and practical preparation. It also includes a plan for what happens if things feel hard, so you’re not scrambling for help in the middle of it.

Having a postpartum plan doesn’t mean everything will be easy. But it means you won’t be caught off guard, and you’ll have a midwife who already knows your story checking in on you at home.

You Deserve a Different Experience

Preparing for birth after a difficult experience takes courage. But it also takes the right support. You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to just hope for the best.

With the right preparation, the right care team, and the right conversations, your next birth can feel entirely different. Not because the fear disappears, but because you’re held through it.

If you’d like to talk about what this could look like for you, you’re welcome to book a conversation. I’m here to listen.